Twas the night.. Blogging Advent Calendar Day 24

Christmas Eve… the big day for us.

We put the tree up and decorate on Christmas Eve, then spend the evening with our family at one of my brother-in-laws house. The kids usually fall asleep in the car on the way back home, so after we carry them off to bed “Santa” finishes any last minute gift wrapping and takes all of the presents out of hiding and places them under the tree.

The highlight for me is usually playing Santa at the family gathering. I started doing it the Christmas after Bianca was born. She is a November baby, so when her first Christmas came around she was only like 6 weeks old and so was her little cousin. Playing Santa allowed for both of them to get a picture with the jolly elf for their first Christmas. They family has expanded at an incredible rate and 7 years later, there are now 13 kids ages 7 and under so Santa is now a big hit. The adults in the family like it as well because Santa works a little “blue”.

Autism Shining - Blogging Advent Calendar 2012

Do you want to feel good? I mean REALLY good? Need a pick-me-up? Want to have your insides get so warm and fuzzy inside that you feel like you could just burst?

Then you really need to check out the Autism Shines Facebook Page … I mean really. Like now.

Started to “show the world all the positive attributes of autism” the Facebook page encourages you to upload a picture of yourself or somebody you love with autism and share the wonderful things you know about them… and people have responded.

Fat Guys Aren't Always Jolly - Blogging Advent Calendar 2012

I gotta do something.

With 2013 rapidly approaching, people all over are making New Year’s Resolutions that they are going to break. The most common one is probably “to lose weight”. I rarely make resolutions, but I think this year I will. I think I am going to resolve to get back in game shape.

I have struggled with weight most of my adult life. Usually the more stressed or depressed I get, the heavier I get. Every once in a while I snap out of the funk and start eating healthy and working out and so far when I would do that… I would shed weight like crazy. My issue is that I am an abuser of comfort food and I am incredibly sedentary. Sure I chase after three kids, but outside of that… I am not moving too much.

I sit in the living room watching kids, I drive to work and then I sit at work. If sitting was an Olympic sport, then I would be a gold medal winner.

Remembering Sandy Hook - Blogging Advent Calendar Day 21

I really didn't want to have to write about the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting. I don’t want to look back. It is too awful and thinking about it gets me very depressed. At the same time I have an observation that is worth sharing. It has taken me a while to sort through the layers of my own feelings so that I could express myself properly, but I think I have hashed it out.

I would like to address the link made by many in the media that the shooter had Asperger's Syndrome and why it is both dangerous and sad. When I mentioned to a co-worker the fears of the autism community that people may draw conclusions that autistic people are violent by nature of their diagnosis, his reply was, “I don’t think you have to worry about that. Most people are smart enough to know that is not the case.”

Hard Headed - Blogging Advent Calendar Day 20

Sometimes you just aren’t fast enough.

When Bianca wakes up in the middle of the night, she tends to get upset and meltdown. Who doesn’t?

Unfortunately for us though, it means she has to find a way to release the pent up energy that comes from not being able to communicate exactly what it is that is upsetting her. She will cry, kick, flail and punch… but most often her frustration manifests itself in head-butting. So when we hear Bianca get REALLY upset, we run into her room to soothe her.

Fireflies - Blogging Advent Calendar Day 19

For Day 19 of the Blogging Advent Calendar I wanted to share this with you…

There is a lot of ugliness going around in regard to autism since the Newtown, CT shooting. I think we could all use this and the message it carries.

I hope you enjoy "Fireflies" by the Jubilee Project.

Hospital-ity - Blogging Advent Calendar Day 18

There is nothing fun about having to take a kid to the ER. Add autism to the mix and that makes it all that much less funner.

We had to take Bianca to the ER… again. Last time it was a broken foot, this time it was a REALLY infected finger. I just hate it. Nothing makes me feel worse than having to hold Bianca down while she is freaking out as doctors and nurses do stuff to her.

Yuck. It was bigger by the time we got to the ER.

Kudos to the ER staff who fast-tracked Bianca because they were sensitive to her autism and didn’t want her to be in a place that she was not comfortable.

It goes against everything in my makeup. I spend the vast majority of my time with Bianca working towards avoiding meltdowns. There is no option in the ER though. She is going to meltdown. She is going to get upset. She is going to hate me. I just hope that she forgives me.

Who Turned Out the Lights? - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 17

Breaking away from Newtown, CT posts and marveling at my son's appreciation for a top that we have now spun 1000 times without complaint from dad because I have never been so happy to do something so mundane with my child...

I am not sure if it is part of Bianca’s autistic makeup or perhaps some sort of OCD, but for some reason Bianca has really been into turning the lights off lately.

There have always been some lights in the house that upset her if they are on. The kitchen light is the most obvious and difficult one to address. Do any of you have to cook in the dark? It is easy to microwave in the dark, and that is the extent of my cooking prowess, but for my wife who likes to cook up our favorite Mexican dishes… it is difficult.

It doesn’t appear to be a sensory issue because she doesn’t mind certain lights on. It is just that others being on upset her. I have tried making her turn them on, keeping them on all day, seeing if she wanted sunglasses… nothing seems to help, except turning the light off. She has no trouble with the lights on at school or at a mall or store, but in the house… some lights really bug her.

Dinner at Rancho Melgarejo ;-)

We have eaten in the dark for the better part of 4 years now. The dining room light is another light that bothers Bianca a lot. It makes things interesting to say the least. Once Bianca is asleep, we are so used to being in the dark that we often forget to turn lights back on.

What is funny though is when Bianca gets ready for bed and goes upstairs. She turns on the light in the hallway so she doesn’t trip and then she turns the light on in her room and goes and lays down in her bed waiting for me to kiss her goodnight and turn the light out.

I am thinking about modernizing our living room (where we spend the vast majority of our time as it is baby-gated off from the rest of the house) and putting in remotely controlled recessed lights and a password protected digital thermostat along with a hardwood or laminate floor. It may be the only way. I love making things comfortable for her, but at the same time there is only so much of our lives we can live in the dark.

The problem is that since I am not 100% sure what the root behind the obsession is that whatever we do could just upset Bianca more and that is the last thing I want to do.

Anybody else struggle with this? Maybe it isn’t lights, it is something else? I would love to hear your stories and what approaches you have taken.

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

To keep up to date with everything Lou's Land, please subscribe to my blog, "Like" me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter.

Making Sense of Sadness - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 16

We will return to our regularly scheduled autism related topic with the next post… for now though, some more reflection on the Newtown, CT. shooting…

I hadn't been able to put a finger on why this whole school shooting affected me so much. It just seems like so much to digest. The world seems so much uglier. It makes you angry and you can’t help but feel hopeless. Every post that I have read that makes good points about fixing mental healthcare, or finding a way to pass gun control legislation that can help protect people is met with people that don’t want to listen. Our society complains about the way things are, but every suggestion to change the status quo is met with fear of change that borders paranoia.

When it was suggested that the shooter had autism, I sat back and watched. I read statements and watched news segments. I scanned various blog posts and read numerous news articles. I was left numb. First because we still don’t know for sure if the shooter did indeed have autism, but secondly because I just didn't see how it mattered. He didn’t kill somebody because he was autistic. He killed somebody because he was mentally disturbed.

Newtown Reflections - Blogging Advent Calendar Day 15

Yesterday's post today. Because well...

I have to be honest. It is the day after the Newtown, CT tragedy and I am still at a loss. I just don’t feel like writing about my life. Not when so many other lives are being changed in unimaginable ways.

One thing I can write about is how the media is handling the shooter’s possible Asperger’s diagnosis. As I watched the coverage on CNN, a shiver went up my spine the moment I heard autism referenced. Within moments I started getting word online that other “infotainment” networks were really focusing on the autism angle.

Autism doesn’t make a person a mass murderer any more than having blue eyes makes you a homicidal maniac.

So instead of writing anything, and since there are people far more eloquent and knowledgeable than I, I thought I would share some statements as well as some posts from friends…

In Memory of... 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 14

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” 

― C.S. Lewis

No post today. It seems ridiculous to post anything on a day in which so many families are hurting over senseless murder.

Take a moment to pray, think or meditate about how we as a people can move away from violence and towards peace.

My heart goes out to all the families of Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT... the vitims, the witnesses, and the first responders.

What a Croc - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 13

Meltdowns can happen for a variety of reasons. Unless you really know the kid and his or her autistic traits it is hard to get to the root of the issue.

I know Bianca fairly well. She is a daddy’s girl and I spend tons of time with her. We work on her gaining skills, we play, and we just sit and enjoy each other’s company. I know her like the back of my hand. I can predict reactions and meltdowns just from our wealth of time together.

Bianca, much like George Costanza must feel “no encumbrances” when she goes to the bathroom… the pants come off, shirt comes off and shoes and socks are coming off as well.  So after she finished her business, I took her into the bedroom to throw her clothes back on. Her diaper, shirt and pants went on without a hitch. I reached for her Crocs and placed them on her feet and Bianca went ballistic. I have never seen anything like it. She started crying, started banging her head into the bed and was flailing her feet. I stood back, not knowing what exactly to do.

Name Dropper - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 12

There are good days… and then there are GREAT days.

Yesterday was a GREAT day. It didn't start out that way either. The “day” actually started with me getting home to find Bianca restless and not wanting to stay in bed. So we went down to the living room and Bianca partied like a rock star until… 5 a.m. before she finally cuddled up to me and passed out.

It was my wife’s day to wake up with the kids and she told me that Bianca was none too happy about getting up for school after having been asleep for a whole 2 hours. I worried about her being super cranky and lethargic at school, but when I picked her up at the school to take her to therapy, I was told she had a good day.

We went to speech therapy and I got concerned because while we were in the waiting area she started to melt down. Nothing happened that I was aware of; she just got upset, clinched her teeth and charged at me. Then she started to cry and tried to head-butt the chair and me. I figured that the fatigue must have been kicking in. As the therapist walked off with her, I warned her to have her guard up.

When Bianca returned, the therapist said she had a great session until it was time to transition to leave. She was having a good time, and I know Bianca LOVES her therapists so it was not too surprising that she wasn't in the mood to leave. She rarely is. At least she didn't get upset about not going to swim therapy.

We got home and we only had a couple of hours to play because Sofie had her Christmas program at school. So we got snacks, went potty and played around for a while. Bianca was showing no signs of a kid that had only slept for 2 hours the night before. Daddy was dragging though.

So I hopped on the computer to check some email and social media. Bianca came up to me and got between me and the table and started to hug me, so I went to the Word document I had open, and hit enter until I got to a new page, and made the font size really big. I then looked at Bianca and asked, “Bianca. Can you spell your name for me?”… nothing. We have worked on it some. If I ask Bianca to type a letter, she will do it 9 out of 10 times. This time though, I was asking her to recognize the request, and then spell out her name… without my assistance.

I asked her again, “Bianca. Can you spell your name for me please?”

She looked down at the keyboard, and then while saying the letters… proceeded to type her name!! BY HERSELF!!

I was stunned. I didn't know what to do. I heaped a ton of praise on her but I didn't want to freak her out. I clicked over to my Facebook page that was still open and just typed, "YES YES YES!!!!!"

I had to document this… the video camera was in the basement, so I grabbed my phone, started to record, and just HOPED that Bianca could repeat what she just did.

Sure enough…

The REALLY amazing thing to me was that she even typed “MnM” for “M&M’s”!! Sure she fat fingered a few keys and she held on to the letters too long, but she was SPELLING HER NAME!!! By herself. Not hand over hand… by herself!

Progress people… hope… faith… the layers are being peeled. I just can't wait to see what they reveal.

If you like what you have seen and read, please take a few seconds and vote for Lou's Land as one of Babble's Top Autism Spectrum Blogs. (Though I think this site is all kinds of messed up)

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

To keep up to date with everything Lou's Land, please subscribe to my blog, "Like" me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter.

That Awkward Moment When... - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 11

That awkward moment when a stranger starts talking to your non-conversational autistic child, and waits for a reply.

It happens a lot with us. We will be at Target or the grocery store and inevitably a little old lady will see Bianca and want to compliment her. Bianca is a really pretty little girl… big eyes, long hair and an incredible smile. Her looks betray her more severe autistic traits in the eyes of a stranger. They just see a pretty little girl who is smiley and singing. Her looks also work against her when she is melting down as well because she looks like a 7 year old that has parents that do not know how to control their child.

So what do we do when that moment comes in which the well-intended stranger comes up and asks Bianca her name, or how old she is only to get what they perceive to be the cold shoulder? Added to the mix is the fact that we are Latino. I could pass for a whole myriad of ethnicities, but my wife is pretty clearly Mexican. So then the nice person starts to speak slower and LOUDER. I think it is because they may suspect Bianca doesn’t speak English, but it could also be that they think she is deaf. 

Autism Beatnik - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 10

Let me set the mood if I may... I would like to take you to the Beat Generation of the 50's and 60's. We are in a dimly lit cafe and I am stepping up to the mic weighing 80 lbs less and with my goatee still completely black.

I strain to look at my note-cards through my dark glasses, bongos between my legs and a steaming hot cup of coffee (in this fantasy I like coffee) next to me. We are in San Francisco and the vibe is right.

I play a riff on my bongos as you, the audience, start snapping your fingers... Jack Kerouac eat your heart out...

It Comes in Waves - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 9

We work so hard. We see so many improvements in some areas, while others seem to be in a holding pattern. Then there are the times we worry that she is regressing.

Bianca goes through cycles. We notice that she will have a flood of breakthroughs for a period of 3-4 months and then it is followed by some kind of regression. It is almost like a wave crashing onto the shore. The wave advances and beats down on the sand that is in its way and then retreats. But as the wave returns to the ocean it carries some of the sand with it and slowly over time erodes the beach.

Upon Further Review - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 8

“There is no planet, sun, or star could hold you if you but knew what you are.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think it is time to do something… Time for a re-evaluation of Bianca’s IEP.

I am NOT looking forward to it.

Until this year, Bianca had always struggled with returning to school. After a few weeks though, she would get adjusted to her routine and settle in. This year, has been tougher for her.

I don’t know if it is the longer school day (she now goes all day as a first grader) or that her classroom got changed and moved to a smaller room, maybe it is just her. At any rate, she is not where we would like her to be at school. She is making some progress, but she is also constantly out of her seat, escaping from the classroom, mouthing stuff before the paras and teachers can get to her and head-butting the staff on a daily basis. Every morning as Bianca leaves, my wife and I place a bet on who gets head-butted and where.

Potty Mouth - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 7

I wonder how many great inventions, plays, songs and ideas have come to people while on the toilet.

It has to be pretty staggering right? I think we get inspired because if all is going well, we usually don’t have much going on. We are in there killing time. Waiting for something to happen and staring at the walls. So the mind wanders. Maybe you fantasize about being wealthy, or hitting the big shot in a game. If you are a parent to a crazy house full of three kids… maybe you just lock the door and hope for a little bit of peace and serenity.

For the most part, we look forward to going to the bathroom. Bianca is starting to get to that point. Potty training is starting to come around. A lot of my friends that have kids on the spectrum have told me that 7 is the magic age for a lot of them. I dunno about that. Time will tell. But my wife and I can’t wait for the day that Bianca is fully potty trained and “Code Brown” or “Poo-caso” are no longer terms being used in our house. We believe that day will come at some point.

The Chair Necessities - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 6

It seems that I am always in some sort of war with our health insurance company. As always, I will not name which insurance company we have, I will just refer to it as Azure Cross Azure Shield or ACAS for short.

So as I have referred to many times in my posts, Bianca is an eloper. It has gotten better, but when the mood strikes… FORGET ABOUT IT. That kid is gone. Vapor. “Asses and Elbows” as we used to say back in the day. With age comes height and with height comes longer legs and with those longer legs comes a larger stride. Now you wouldn't guess it by looking at me or my wife, but we aren't really runners. So now at the age of 7, catching Bianca is requiring the understanding of pursuit angles like an NFL Safety.

Cardboard Box Time Machine - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar

Looking through my garage, I found several large cardboard boxes. I thought I might put them to good use by making something creative out of them. Back when I was a kid a cardboard box was whatever the imagination could conjure.

 

If I could make a cardboard box into one thing, I think that I would create a time machine. Sure it would be tempting to go back in time and play the winning numbers of that obscenely large Powerball jackpot. I could warn Abraham Lincoln to skip the theater. I could even go back and not select Jamaal Charles with my first round pick of the 2011 fantasy draft.

But if I could go back in time to any point I wanted. I think I would go back to when we first suspected that Bianca was autistic and settle myself down.

TIME for Action - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 4

Yesterday I was stunned to see that on my friend Luau’s personal Facebook page he posted a link with a few choice words to the following article and headline written by John Cloud (@JohnAshleyCloud)  that appears on TIME’s Health and Family section:

Windows to the Soul - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 3

Before Bianca regressed, her eye contact was nothing short of incredible. She has the biggest eyes and she would look at me with such intent and curiosity that I knew she was absorbing everything coming her way. Just locking eyes with her from across the room would make her light up like a Christmas tree.

At some point in her regression, like most autistic children that particular characteristic went away. In fact, she started going out of her way to avoid it. At first I tried to make her look me in the eyes. After some research, I quickly learned that was probably not the best course of action. I would just let her do what she felt comfortable doing. If she felt like looking me in the eyes… so be it.

You do miss it though. What is it about that particular part of our anatomy that conveys so much? She would often come close. She would watch my mouth a lot; stare at my nose… but the eyes? Very rarely.

So Long Good Friend - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 2

“It’s inevitable when you buy a pet. You’re supposed to know it in the pet shop: it’s going to end badly. You’re purchasing a small tragedy.” - George Carlin

It is a sad day at the Melgarejo household. While sleeping on the love-seat (where she is not supposed to be) our dog Sadie fell to the ground crying and clearly in distress. She knocked into furniture, knocked over speakers and toys and was hitting her head really hard on the floor and wall until she crumpled up in a twisted heap by the front door. Sofie and Bianca were in the living room too. Bianca was in an opposite corner pretend playing with her Backyardigans, but Sofie was watching TV and saw the whole thing. I told her to go upstairs while I called for my wife for help.

2012 Blogging Advent Calendar

I thought I would do a little something different this holiday season. In honor of the time of year that it is, I would like to start a tradition of a Blogging Advent Calendar.

I don’t normally post on a daily basis. I don’t have the time for it. I don’t have the energy for it. I am also pretty lazy when it comes to writing. If my juices aren't flowing, it is hard for me to write. I have tried to just sit down and just write a post when I have nothing in particular to share… just to see what comes out. The answer: nothing.

I do however make great headroom in tweaking my iTunes library, playing Sporcle games or getting caught up on a television show that until I forced myself to write about something had no interest in watching.

I am so lazy in fact, that I am starting this advent calendar on December 3^rd, but writing this post as if it were the first day of December.

So here goes nothing, 25 days of autism-centric musings by yours truly. I will probably be reduced to writing about the day to day minutiae as opposed to larger topics that I like to tackle, but it should be fun and hopefully you get a kick out of it.

If you like what you have seen and read, please take a few seconds and vote for Lou's Land as one of Babble's Top Autism Spectrum Blogs. (Though I think this site is all kinds of messed up)

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

To keep up to date with everything Lou's Land, please subscribe to my blog, "Like" me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter.

Holiday Help

Holidays can be an extra stressful time for autism parents. We have all the regular stressors that any other family has coupled with autism-proofing decorations and presents, dealing with expectations that we show up to all the family functions and handling the stress that comes from those family functions like trying not to blow our top at the stares, the patronizing tones, the judgment, the pity and of course keeping all of the breakable keepsakes that have been handed down for generations that are seemingly kept on every low surface imaginable in one piece. Dare I mention the terror of a “Code Brown” at somebody else’s home?

Since the holiday season is upon us, I thought I would supply all of my fellow autism parents out there a simple form letter that you can send to your relatives who don’t get why it is you may prefer to stay at home as opposed to going to a loud house crammed with extended family.

Disclaimer: To MY immediate family. Thank you for being so great. This is not about you, but meant as satire for the scores of autism families that are not as fortunate as we are to have the support system we do… so Cyndi… relax.We love you and Bianca ADORES her nina. LOL

Dear <Insert host family member name here>,

Thank you so much for the invitation to the <holiday> party! Unfortunately, we will not be able to attend. It isn't that we wouldn't like to be there, but it would be very difficult to relax because my kid(s) is/are not accustomed to your home. We have spent years figuring out how to “autism-proof” our home, something that just isn't fair to expect of others to be able to do overnight.

I know you will say that family will help watch, that it isn't a big deal and that we should not worry about it, but it is a big deal and no matter how much experience people may have watching kids that are not autistic, I can promise you that it will not be enough to understand how carefully you have to watch <insert kid(s) name here>. Little things like leaving an unlocked door to the outside unguarded for a few seconds can mean the difference between life and death.

It is too bad though, because <significant other> and I love going to your house and admiring how pristine you keep your lily white carpet. By the way, how many generations did you say those plates were in your family? They look as good as new! We particularly like to marvel at the 10 coffee tables loaded with those glass trinkets. Also, it is very comforting knowing that <insert dead relative> is right there on lower shelf of that bookcase watching over the family as we get together.

<Family member> loves all the artwork and family photos you guys have on your walls. That gorgeous wallpaper is something to behold and in some of your rooms, the walls are so white that I can’t tell where your carpet starts and where the walls begin.

What we will REALLY miss though is that lovely tomato based dish that gets served every time the family gets together and the countless number of glasses full of various colored beverages that people leave unattended… to say the least of the cutlery! How do you get knives THAT sharp? Catching up on all the gossip in the kitchen full of scalding hot pots and open flames is always a favorite of <family member>.

Will you guys have the tree up already again? All of those glass ornaments with all that meaning behind them. I can’t believe how ornate that tree can get. It is almost like just walking past it you can knock down an ornament, yet there they are… hanging on by a thread. I suppose that is why there is the mountain of neatly wrapped presents under the tree begging to be opened. It helps to keep people at a bit of a distance.

I guess we will just have to miss out on all the great parenting advice that <oldest member of the family> dishes out every year! I will never forget when he/she told <mom’s name> how all <insert kid(s) name> needed was some good discipline and that <mom’s name> should stay home more often. That is the kind of advice you just can’t pay for.

I guess we will have to wait until next year. Thank you again so much for the invitation, I guess we are just going to have a small quiet <insert holiday> celebration with kids.

Sincerely,

<Insert name here>

PS: Please say hello to <Drunk, loud, not-funny, racist relative> for us!

If you like what you have seen and read, please take a few seconds and vote for Lou's Land as one of Babble's Top Autism Spectrum Blogs. (Though I think this site is all kinds of messed up)

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

To keep up to date with everything Lou's Land, please subscribe to my blog, "Like" me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter.

How the Other 87 Live

One of my nephews (grandnephew technically) had a birthday party tonight at one of those bouncy house indoor places today. We didn't feel that it would be wise to take Bianca. Not because the cast on her foot would slow her down any, but because since it does NOT slow her down, it really serves as a dangerous weapon to anybody in her path.

I could just see Bianca jumping like crazy and coming down with her cast on some poor unsuspecting kids face. It would not be pretty.

A Break in the Routine: Part II

Did I mention that I am NOT a morning person?

The appointment with the orthopedic pediatrician was at 7AM. I fought through the fog of sleep and got up. Thank goodness I set 5 alarms on my phone… I needed all 5 of them. Bianca needed several more. She was NOT moving. I got her dressed and carried her downstairs and out the door to the man-van. I strapped her into the car seat as her sleep remained undeterred.

We got to the specialists office and of course I had to fill out paperwork. Bianca was awake now, so I had to keep one hand on her and try to fill out the forms with the other hand while being tugged in every which direction. I felt bad handing it in because it looked like a serial killer had just filled out a form, but then I remember that they read “doctor” so I figured it was OK.

The staff was incredibly pleasant. Everybody was very concerned about Bianca and they were very in touch with the fact that she is autistic. They fawned over her, complimented how pretty she was and marveled at bond between us. It really made me relax. I was already nervous about the appointment and on edge because I had no idea what was wrong with Bianca.

A Break in the Routine: Part I

Since we could not really afford a big family vacation, I decided that I would use my remaining vacation time to take off a bunch of Friday and Saturday nights. I work a 4 day work week, so this would reduce my work week down to 2 days and allow me to enjoy some time off with the family. You may not be aware, but Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays (my normal nights off) are not exactly HOPPING. So, we scheduled a bunch of outings that we normally would not do and treated my time off as a bit of a “stay-cation”.

For the first time in our 13 years together, we actually went to a bunch of adult Halloween Parties that our friends hosted. It was a nice break in the routine for a couple that works opposite schedules to reduce babysitting time and costs and share a bed with a 2 year old that refuses to sleep in his own room anymore.

Happy Birthday Bianca!

I can hardly believe that it has been 7 years since we first met. I remember it like it was yesterday. That moment remains in a three-way tie for the happiest day of my life.

You changed me in so many ways. You have taught me what it means to be a man and father, unconditional love, acceptance, patience, the danger in projecting my dreams onto others and how to avoid a head-butt.  Each day since you were born has been brighter. Even the darkest days with you in my life are brighter than the best days before you were born. You give life reason and meaning.  You have shown me my mission.

I am so proud of all you do. Every little added skill, word, sign and ability makes me marvel at your can-do spirit and your ferocity at tackling life’s challenges.

If I could have designed the “perfect daughter” before you were born, autism certainly wouldn't have been in the equation. That is why I am glad we as parents have no say in who enters our lives as children. I am glad and proud that you are OUR daughter, autism and all. I can’t imagine my life without you exactly as you are. Of course I hope that you can overcome the obstacles life has placed in your path, and I know you will do your best.

I have said it before; you are the greatest birthday gift… EVER. So as I share this 7^th birthday with you, please know that I love you for the person you are and for the person YOU want to be. I will serve as your protector, your champion and your father all along the way; never regretting that you came into my life. I hope that as you grow older I can impart on you that just because something is a challenge, doesn't mean that it isn't enjoyable, rewarding and worthy of love.

Thank you for 7 years of lessons. I look forward to a lifetime more. .. smiling, laughing and loving all the way.

If you like what you have seen and read, please take a few seconds and vote for Lou's Land as one of Babble's Top Autism Spectrum Blogs. (Though I think this site is all kinds of messed up)

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

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Nataly's Letter

In the wake of Ann Coulter’s unapologetic use of the “R-word” I wanted to share a beautiful letter written by Bianca’s friend Nataly.

Nataly is one of the helpers in Bianca’s dance class. She is an incredibly happy, warm, loving, fun young lady… who just also happens to have Down Syndrome. If you knew Nataly, you would understand that her disability is the least remarkable thing about her.

Here is what Nataly wrote on the Voces de Familia de Indiana Facebook Page, a page that was just started by a few Latino special needs parents in Indiana. First is the original in Spanish, and then I have it translated in English.

Thank you Nataly for being a great role model for ALL kids. You are an inspiration and our family is lucky to know you.

Memory Building

This is really more parenting than autism, but I thought I would share my experience and the thoughts that have come from that moment.

It is 2:30 AM and I find myself lying in bed and watching Ghostbusters... it is funny how our memory works. Every time I see this movie, I remember a really happy moment in my childhood. One that helped to shape me into the father I am today.

Simple Words (Guest Blog)

The other night as I was laying in bed my R2D2 message indicator went off telling me I had an email... yes I am that big of a nerd. When I checked the email I found a message from a fellow autism dad, board member and friend who was clearly hurt and angry. His son was upset, his wife was upset and being the caliber of man that Dan is... he was upset as well.

He needed to vent. So as I had done long ago he turned to writing. He let it all out and worked through anger. Then he did the most important part... he shared it.

My One Percenter

I want YOU to make Autism an important issue in the election!

I am going to try and not get too political here. Truth be told, that is a difficult thing to do, because I tend to wear my political leanings on my sleeve.

All this talk about the secretly taped Romney fund-raiser, and his assertion that apparently 47% of the electorate is full of people that are looking for a hand-out and have feelings of self-entitlement got me to thinking.

I don’t know about 47%, but at least around 1% of the population should feel like they are entitled. They should be entitled to the therapy they need without discrimination from health insurance companies. They should be entitled to going to school free from bullying. They should be entitled to every opportunity imaginable to reach their full potential.

Back to School! or (New Routines: Here We Come!)

Whew… Well… It has been an interesting few weeks. I haven't had time to write much because it is that time of year again...

School is back in session! This of course means lots of things to lots of different people. To my family, the start of school this year means that we have Sofie entering Kindergarten and Bianca going to 1st grade with a whole new set of routines to establish.

The Mall




Outside of torturing our kids by making them see Santa every year, the mall has been a place our family has avoided over the past couple of years. Once our son was added to the mix, it became impossible for one parent to control all three kids and just not worth the tension it would cause between my wife and I if we all attempted to go.

We tried visiting the mall using several different configurations: Luis and Bianca in a dual stroller and Sofie walking, umbrella stroller/dual stroller combo, dual stroller/backpack with a leash, two umbrella strollers, renting one of those car strollers from the mall information booth… you name it. No matter the combo, it was always a nightmare.

A Scarborough Affair

Copyright MSNBC

I feel sick... I am in the middle of writing about the Autism Speaks Leadership Conference, and took a moment to check out a few of my favorite Autism pages to find thAutcast.com speaking of Joe Scarborough of MSNBC associating the horrible events in Colorado with Autism Spectrum Disorder.Please check out the link and watch Mr. Scarborough's comments.

50 Cent: Apology Accepted

@50Cent has now apologized for the offending tweets that he made regarding autism and special needs children. I think it is our responsibility as those that criticized his comments to work just as diligently to let people know that he has apologized. Too often in these situations, it is the bad that gets spread around like wildfire and the apology gets none of the attention.

My 2 Cent

Copyright SPIN Magazine

With the holidays and an illness in the family, I have not been on top of everything autism as I usually am. It is also the reason for the lack of posts in recent weeks. Yesterday, it was 103 FREAKING DEGREES OUTSIDE… so I kept the kids inside and while they were playing and overloading on games and television… I was surfing and catching up.

The article that caught my eye was that the lovely Holly Robinson Peete wrote an open letter to Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson for having used autism as the basis of an insult in a tweet to somebody that pushed his buttons. Mr. Jackson’s tweet (which has since been deleted at Mrs. Robinson Peete’s request) was:

“@50cent: yeah I saw your pic fool u look autistic. I don’t want no special ed kids on my time line follow some body else."

I will give 50 the benefit of the doubt and say that I don’t believe that he honestly feels this way and that he meant these words in jest. Even if he was joking, it wasn’t a wise choice of words on the part of a guy who makes his living… using wisely chosen words.

Autism Dads

You are involved.

You are present.

You consider 5 hours of sleep a "good night".

You are patient.

You have become immune to the stares.

You know that you can indeed give more than 100%.

You drive your child around from therapy to therapy.

You walk for your child.

You have mastered the art of remaining calm when things escalate.

You are a fighter.

You are tired.

You give your wife a shoulder to cry on.

You are a mind reader.

You know it is OK to cry.

You know showing emotions doesn’t make you less of a man, but more of one.

You advocate for your child.

You are engaged.

You go out to eat anyway… screw em!

You scour the web for information.

You hurt when your child hurts.

You are scared.

You survive on no sleep.

You somehow manage to be functional at work.

You wish you could fix it.

You accept that you can’t and love your child unconditionally.

You try desperately to communicate with your child.

You change your priorities.

You raise awareness.

You smile.

You are a master at body language.

You are deaf to the whispers.

You shake your head at the injustice of the health insurance companies.

You have been hit, bitten, scratched, and pinched all in the matter of minutes.

You celebrate every milestone like you just won the World Series.

You honor your vows

You educate.

You laugh.

You have perspective.

You cope.

You have your entire belief structure come into question.

You ask, “Why me?”

You ask, “Why not me?”

You know the greatest gifts you can give a child are not presents, but presence.

You want things to be better, but don’t know if you would change a thing.

You love your child so much that you could burst.

You redefine the word “Dad”.

You are everything a man should aspire to be.

You are the father to a child with autism.

You are a hero.

If you are an autism dad and are struggling to find answers, I would like to suggest a few good places to go where you can read about the trials and tribulations as well as thoughts and ideas of other dads with kids on the spectrum. These are just a few that come to mind of the top of my head, if you know of others, please post them in the comments below.

Happy Father’s Day boys!

Ancora Impartial
Autism Daddy

Autism Light
Bacon and Juice Boxes
Both Hands and a Flashlight
Fathers for Autism
Find My Eyes
Gingerheaddad
Happy Trouble
Jason Hague

Joel on Autisable
Just a Lil Blog

Lost and Tired
Pancakes Gone Awry
Pucks and Puzzle Pieces

Run Luau Run

Stuart Duncan

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

To keep up to date with everying in Lou's Land, please subscribe to my blog. "Like" Lou's Land on Facebook and follow Lou's Land on Twitter