Pregnancy Linked to Birth of Autistic
Children
(Somewhere, USA) – A revealing new study today released from
the Science Tribunal of the Uterine Pregnancy Investigation Department
indicates that there are direct ties between women that have become pregnant
and the birth of children that later become diagnosed with Autism Spectrum
Disorder (ASD).
The study, costing a mere $20 gazillion dollars, monitored
10,000 pregnant women and their children from the start of their second
trimester through the child’s 5th birthday. It revealed that in the
cases of children that went on to receive a diagnosis of ASD, 100% of those
children came from a woman that had become pregnant.
“It was really shocking to us” said Dr. Obvious, lead scientist
of the STUPID study, “A lot has been made about geezers and fattys having kids,
but those studies showed only a minimal connection between hypothesis and conclusion. It is rare in the scientific community to find an absolute, but we
believe we have found one. All children apparently come from pregnancies, and
of said pregnancies, 1 in 88 of them are resulting in an autism diagnosis. It
was a real eye opener for our team.”
The important thing to keep in mind Dr. Obvious pointed out
was that the STUPID study was done adhering to scientific method. “We aren’t
just grasping at straws like these autism parents that espouse crazy ideas like
environmental factors.”
A parallel study being concluded by another team of STUPID
scientists setting out to prove that all autistic children have fathers has
yet to bear fruit.
“We need more time on that one” claimed Dr. Obvious, “We don’t
want to rush anything.”
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f*ck yeah. THANK YOU!
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ReplyDeletespot on, my friend. sadly, spot on.
ReplyDelete