We will return to our regularly scheduled autism related
topic with the next post… for now though, some more reflection on the Newtown,
CT. shooting…
I hadn't been able to put a finger on why this whole school shooting
affected me so much. It just seems like so much to digest. The world seems so
much uglier. It makes you angry and you can’t help but feel hopeless. Every
post that I have read that makes good points about fixing mental healthcare, or
finding a way to pass gun control legislation that can help protect people is
met with people that don’t want to listen. Our society complains about the way
things are, but every suggestion to change the status quo is met with fear of
change that borders paranoia.
When it was suggested that the shooter had autism, I sat
back and watched. I read statements and watched news segments. I scanned
various blog posts and read numerous news articles. I was left numb. First
because we still don’t know for sure if the shooter did indeed have autism, but
secondly because I just didn't see how it mattered. He didn’t kill somebody because
he was autistic. He killed somebody because he was mentally disturbed.
On Friday, as I was glued to CNN the mail came. I was really
happy to see that Bianca’s school pictures had come in. I grabbed Bianca and
Sofie’s school pictures and took them with me to work so that I could put them
on my desk. If I had to be away from them, at least I could stare at their pretty
faces with their big smiles.
When I got to work, I placed them side by side in a frame
and placed them next to my computer. I couldn't believe how big they looked.
Where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday that we were bringing
Sofie home and Bianca was busy ignoring her.
Those pictures helped me get through the work day.
When I got home, I didn't move Sofie to her bed from our
room. I left her there. Luis was asleep in our bed too… I left him there as
well. I went in to Bianca’s room and dug her out from the mountain of blankets
she sleeps with and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. As I headed back to
the bedroom and slid into a warm bed full of kid’s arms and legs shooting every
which way, I gave pause… I thought about the children that I knew were not
going home to be with their families. I thought about the parents who surely
were getting no sleep that night except for maybe some nightmare ridden nod
offs. Those bodies were still in that school… I shuddered.
It came out on Saturday that the 20 kids that were killed
were all aged 6 or 7 years old. As I drove to work, I couldn't stop thinking
about that. Then I realized why. I realized why this tragedy had affected me
so. Bianca is 7… Sofie is 6. Those kids that were murdered by this sick
individual were my daughter’s peers. They were my daughters.
I cannot for the life of me even fathom how I would react.
What I would do. How I could move on. I believe that it would kill me just as
it killed my children. I have not stopped staring at the picture on my desk…
those kids were babies, innocents. Many of the kids that survived are innocent
no more.
I could tell you the clichéd reminder to hug your kids and
hold them tight. That is great and important and I know I have done my fair
share of hugging. But if I were to tell you one thing to reflect upon or one
way to honor those that lost their lives in this needless tragedy, I would just ask that you tell your kids
daily how much you love them. Tell them how smart they are. Tell them that they
are the greatest kid a parent could ask for… and for you men in particular, don’t
just do it today. Make it a daily occurrence.
We never know when we could lose a loved one or parish
ourselves, so it is important to always express your feelings towards your
family and close friends… because you never know when it will be your last
opportunity to do so.
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| My two princesses... the same age as the kids killed in the Newtown, CT... 7 and 6 years of age. |
If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.
This explains how I feel as well.My son is only 4 and is in school but ti scares me how someone could just as well do the same things at his school.So far I just keep hearing that we need to do gun control but that isn't the issue, we need to get better programs for our kids and help for our kids.
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