Marty's Words

Martin DeMaat was an improv teacher at Columbia College and the Artistic Director at Second City Chicago. I took every improve class I could with Marty because he was such an amazing and inspiring person. He genuinely cared and his approach to imrpov was to create as safe a place as possible for the performer. It was a true joy to be instructed by him and his passion for the art form was contagious.

I wrote down in my notebook at the start of my second class with Marty a few things that I noticed he had said at the start of the previous class I took with him as well. Marty said many memorable things, but a couple of things he said have stuck with me to this day.

"You do not have the right to feel inadequate."
"You are pure potential."

New Crocs

You know that old saying about walking a mile in someone's shoes? Well I am not sure how many miles Bianca walked in her Crocs. She wears them everywhere. No matter the time of year. She sleeps in them. Sometimes she bathes in them... it gets them pretty clean!

Autism Shining - Blogging Advent Calendar 2012

Do you want to feel good? I mean REALLY good? Need a pick-me-up? Want to have your insides get so warm and fuzzy inside that you feel like you could just burst?

Then you really need to check out the Autism Shines Facebook Page … I mean really. Like now.

Started to “show the world all the positive attributes of autism” the Facebook page encourages you to upload a picture of yourself or somebody you love with autism and share the wonderful things you know about them… and people have responded.

Dear Bianca...

In honor of Autism Sunday, a letter to my daughter:

Dear Bianca,

Do you know how perfect you are?

Your smile can melt the coldest of hearts. Your laugh fills the air with so much joy that one can’t help but share in your happiness. Your hugs tell me that not only do you love me, but you appreciate me.

Each day you surprise us. Your intelligence is so impressive. You communicate so much by saying so little. Your deep, brown eyes talk for you. They let whomever it is that you need to communicate with know what they need to know… unless you feel like talking. When you do decide to use your incredible vocabulary, I light up. I know how much you are trying. I know how badly you wish you could communicate verbally without such a struggle. I see that in your eyes too. Especially when they tell me you want more juice, a chocolate chip cookie, that you want to hog the television, or that you want to eat yet ANOTHER cucumber.

There are times that I find myself just staring at you and marveling at how pretty you are. Everybody says that you and your brother look just like me, but when I look at you I see your mother’s beauty shining through. We struggled for so long to have a family that when it finally came to be, your mother and I were ecstatic. I would not for ONE SECOND of my life ever regret having you. Autism be damned, you are my daughter. You are my light. I could not love you any more if you did not have autism and I certainly would never think to love you any less.

You have taught me so much in these six years. Because of you, I am now a fully realized man. Where once stood a sarcastic, narcissistic boy stands a man humbled and full of compassion. I know what I am supposed to do. I know who I am supposed to help. I thank you for helping me to understand what is important in life and what my priorities should be.

There is still a long road ahead of us. I couldn’t ask for a better travel companion.

I love you Bianca. Thank you.

Dad

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and 

Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

To keep up to date with everying in Lou's Land, please subscribe to my blog. 

"Like" Lou's Land on Facebook and follow Lou's Land on Twitter

Dad vs. Man

"Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance." - Ruth E. Renkel

Being a dad doesn't mean you can’t be a man. When you have a child with special needs, they need their dads to be as involved as possible. Being a dad makes you a BETTER man.

Some men feel that the two are mutually exclusive. Scratch that. Some women feel that way too, so I guess it is some PEOPLE feel that being a dad means you can’t be a man.

Why do I say this? I say this because to me it is almost like there is an opinion out there that a guy has to turn in his “Man Card” in order to be fully vested in their kids. By that I mean that they take part in and are an active participant in ALL of the day to day routines of their kid’s lives that their schedule allows.

It is a disturbing phenomenon that I see firsthand almost every day. In the vast majority of events, therapies and functions that I attend, I am one of the only guys if not the only man in the room. At first I chalked it up to my unusual work schedule; my days off are in the middle of the week which allow me to be really active in Bianca’s week. But I work nights when I do work, so I am able to participate in weekend activities as well… and again, I am in the minority by a LONG shot.

Flying High

When I think back to when I was a kid, there are moments that I can recall that take me right back to that time and place in which I was truly free. Free of responsibility, free of stress, free of worry… I suppose it is called innocence. One of those moments is riding on the back of my mom’s bike along the Chicago lakefront. We moved from Chicago when I was 8 but when I returned as a young man and would ride my bike or rollerblade along the lake it would take me back… every time.

Have you hopped on a swing lately? Try it. Don’t be afraid of what others are thinking or saying. Just go to a park one day, hop on a swing and fly. I guarantee your senses will take over. It is truly remarkable. I believe that it is the closest to a time machine man will ever get. The breeze in your face, the squeak of the chain, that little jolt that happens when you test the boundaries and soar too high… all of these things can’t help but take you back. You had the phase on the swing where you always wanted your parents to push you because it made you feel safe and secure. You knew they would be right there to catch you if you ever fell. You didn’t even have to kick to keep your momentum going. Your parents did it all for you.

Eventually however, you reached a point in which you didn’t want your parent’s assistance. You wanted to be independent. You hopped on all by yourself; you pushed yourself back and then threw your legs forward. You learned how to maintain control and what your limits were. Your parents, though willing to give you that push, were now no longer a necessity. It was still nice to know that they were there for you, but their mingling in your affairs was no longer vital to the cause.

The Girl of a Million Words

We talk to each other all the time. We didn't use to. Things were not always so easy between us. I suppose that is usually the case in any typical father/daughter relationship. She feels like nobody gets her, and he feels like he is not an important enough figure in her life whose words get ignored. It just took a little while for me to understand her language and speak to her at a level in which she could comprehend what I was asking of her.

What Can’t Can Your Child Do?

(Note from Lou: Before there was a "Lou's Land", I used to write in Facebook Notes for my family and friends. It was with their encouragement that I decided to make my thoughts, feelings and observations public. This note was originally written on 04/11/11 and published here when I started my blog on 05/28/11.)

I thought I would write a quick note since it is Autism Awareness Month.

The most draining situation a parent of a child with Autism faces is not the day to day interactions with the child, but rather the re-living and re-telling of your child’s condition when you apply for new services or get a new specialist. You get bombarded with the same questions over and over… Does your child talk? Does your child play with other kids? Can your child do this, that, the other thing? Can your child perform any miracles?


You get the point. It is annoying. I understand the reasoning behind it. You can’t take your child to a new doctor or therapist and expect them to know all about your kid and his/her personal quirks. I often say that the reason it is called the Autism Spectrum is because the symptoms vary so greatly, that not one Autistic person has the exact same type of Autism as another. Autistic children are like snowflakes, each one is unique and carries with it unique beauty, characteristics, and complexities.

My daughter Bianca is going to be entering kindergarten next year and the time has come for yet another evaluation. This time her evaluation will result in how she is placed within the school system. Will she be able to go to a regular kindergarten class? Will she be able to go to a special needs kindergarten? Will she have to go to a school with only kids with special needs? I don’t know. What I do know is that the portion of the evaluation I had to fill out was tedious, depressing, confusing, and irritating.

One form contained 124 questions and asked me to rate each question on a scale of 1-7, a “1” meant you never witnessed this particular behavior, and a “7” meant that you witnessed the behavior more times in a day than you could count. The parent was then supposed to add up the numbers and cross-reference some stupid chart. Another BOOKLET had 11 PAGES of yes and no questions. By the time I finished answering all of these questions and filling out all the paperwork, I felt woozy. I could have sworn I just battled Apollo Creed. I was a beaten man. All I saw were pages of negativity all in preparation for an impending judgment by some group of people that don’t know my daughter.


Does your child play with other children? No
Can your child point to three body parts when asked? No
Can your child eat using utensils? No
Is your child potty trained? No
Does your child talk? No
Can your child draw an “X”? No

How about instead of asking me what my kid can’t do, you ask me about what my child can do? Herein lays one of the many challenges facing a parent of an Autistic child. It is rare for somebody to ask what your child CAN do. Above all things, parents like to boast about their child’s accomplishments. When my daughter that is not Autistic sings a song, or learns a dance, or builds something I tell my parents, or post it on Facebook proudly sharing the GENIUS that is singing a crappy Justin Bieber song at age 4. To a certain degree I am able to do that with Bianca as well, but not in the education system. Not in anything institutionalized. All they seem to want to know about are limitations.

Do you want to know what Bianca is capable of? She can make the darkest days seem bright with a mere hug. She can make you double over laughing with her contagious laugh. She can make you feel like you are the most loved human being on the planet and can melt you with her smile. Bianca can amaze you with her memory, her problem solving, her ability to speak in two languages and her fearless conquering of a playground. My daughter has the amazing ability to give life meaning and make you appreciate all you have.

My daughter can do many things, just not anything I am asked about on these stupid forms.

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

To keep up to date with everying in Lou's Land, please subscribe to my blog. "Like" Lou's Land on Facebook and follow Lou's Land on Twitter