A Cut Above the Rest

Today I paid $20 for a $10 haircut... and couldn't be happier.

I took Bianca to get her haircut today, and as soon as we walked into the place, she started to melt down. I sat her in my lap to try and keep her calm but she wanted none of it. She was flailing about, grinding her teeth, trying to head-butt me and kicking all over… and the stylist had yet to even touch her.

As Bianca weeps uncontrollably I wonder why I even bothered giving our name ahead of time and killing time at Target. The whole reason I didn’t stick around was because I didn’t want Bianca to get agitated while waiting. I was trying to be Superdad and was out with my three kids and adult male cousin who is great with our kids, but certainly not used to Bianca blowing a gasket in a public place. My bride was attending the graduation of a family friend and I wanted to surprise her with a new summer “do” for Binks.

A very meek and demure looking lady looked at me as two of my kids were chasing after one another like maniacs and Bianca was in hysterics and hesitantly asks who I was with. “Bianca” I reply while giving a head gesture towards the kid who is now on the floor with tears streaming down her face and snot bubbles coming out of her nose.

J. Cole's Sincere Apology to Autism Community

My dad always used to tell me that a real man admits his mistakes, and then does something to rectify them.

J. Cole has done exactly that.

What's Old is New Again

"Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill

With Bianca at 13 months. Before she regressed.

When Bianca was 12-13 months old (before her regression) she was ahead of the curve on a lot of things. One of those things was labeling.

One of my favorite things to do with Bianca when she was a baby was to grab one of her favorite picture books and flip the pages as she pointed to and told me the names of ALL of the animals. It also became one of the things that made me angriest about the regression… that it took that from us. Bianca became more content chewing on a book than she was labeling once her regression started to kick in.

I would grab her favorite book and sit down with her and witness the gradual decay in her ability and/or interest in labeling. She lost the words altogether eventually. Asking her to participate in an activity became futile. She was much more content to be on her own and to become engrossed in trying to find any microscopic crumb on the floor to mouth. It would depress the hell out of me.

Still, you move on.

Build-A-Bear? Build a Foundation.

“If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children” – Mohandes Ghandi

It has to start somewhere right? Traditionally that has been with the children.

When studies show that nearly half of all autistic teens reporting that they have been the victims of bullying, we have to get the message to kids sooner. Acceptance and tolerance are vital to ending bullying. Those lessons MUST be taught and reinforced at home as well as in the classroom. We must be teaching our kids about the power of love and leading by example EVERY day.

In order to do that, there has to be a dialogue. There has to be an open line of communication. Sometimes that can be a challenge. We don’t always know how to talk to kids on their level and the fear of saying the wrong thing can paralyze us into inaction. What we need is a little confidence and some tools, something to break the ice and open up the give and take required in an important conversation.

Spring Breakdown

Monday starts Spring Break for the kids. I can’t really relate because I never felt this way in my life about school… but both of my school aged children are bummed about it. So are the wife and I.

Sofie just LOVES school. A few weeks back she was complaining that her tummy hurt. She was all bundled up and ready to go catch the bus when she stopped dead in her tracks and held her stomach. “Can you kiss my tummy daddy? It doesn’t feel so good.” I leaned over gave her a kiss on the stomach and not two seconds later she vomited all over the place. When we had to call her off of school she cried and cried. “I don’t want to miss school! I will miss out on all the fun!” she bawled as gigantic tears streaked down her face. She is in kindergarten though, so I will revisit this feeling she has towards school in a few years.

Bianca on the other hand… she gets bummed in a different way. Her sleep pattern gets disturbed, she becomes irritable and starts to act out. Head banging increases, meltdowns increase and then it takes several weeks to get settled back into her routine once school is back in session. So one week off, sets her back about a month.

Lighting It Up Blue

April is Autism Awareness Month and April 2^nd is World Autism Awareness Day as declared by the UN General Assembly. It is also the day that Autism Speaks asks for residences, businesses and buildings to change their exterior light bulbs from white to blue in an effort to kick off Autism Awareness Month and raise awareness via a promotion called Light It Up Blue.

Before we are even there I have already read my fair share of posts and comments criticizing the event. I have seen attacks on everything from the event actually doing nothing to help autistic people, to wondering just who it was that chose blue to represent the autism community in the first place.

If you are relatively new to the autism community… get used to it. It seems that no organization or individual can do much of anything without somebody thinking they are going about it all wrong. Stay positive though. Just go with what you feel like is the best way to honor your autistic loved one or if you are autistic, whatever makes you feel proud. For my family, we enjoy participating in Light It Up Blue.

Who Turned Out the Lights? - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 17

Breaking away from Newtown, CT posts and marveling at my son's appreciation for a top that we have now spun 1000 times without complaint from dad because I have never been so happy to do something so mundane with my child...

I am not sure if it is part of Bianca’s autistic makeup or perhaps some sort of OCD, but for some reason Bianca has really been into turning the lights off lately.

There have always been some lights in the house that upset her if they are on. The kitchen light is the most obvious and difficult one to address. Do any of you have to cook in the dark? It is easy to microwave in the dark, and that is the extent of my cooking prowess, but for my wife who likes to cook up our favorite Mexican dishes… it is difficult.

It doesn’t appear to be a sensory issue because she doesn’t mind certain lights on. It is just that others being on upset her. I have tried making her turn them on, keeping them on all day, seeing if she wanted sunglasses… nothing seems to help, except turning the light off. She has no trouble with the lights on at school or at a mall or store, but in the house… some lights really bug her.

Dinner at Rancho Melgarejo ;-)

We have eaten in the dark for the better part of 4 years now. The dining room light is another light that bothers Bianca a lot. It makes things interesting to say the least. Once Bianca is asleep, we are so used to being in the dark that we often forget to turn lights back on.

What is funny though is when Bianca gets ready for bed and goes upstairs. She turns on the light in the hallway so she doesn’t trip and then she turns the light on in her room and goes and lays down in her bed waiting for me to kiss her goodnight and turn the light out.

I am thinking about modernizing our living room (where we spend the vast majority of our time as it is baby-gated off from the rest of the house) and putting in remotely controlled recessed lights and a password protected digital thermostat along with a hardwood or laminate floor. It may be the only way. I love making things comfortable for her, but at the same time there is only so much of our lives we can live in the dark.

The problem is that since I am not 100% sure what the root behind the obsession is that whatever we do could just upset Bianca more and that is the last thing I want to do.

Anybody else struggle with this? Maybe it isn’t lights, it is something else? I would love to hear your stories and what approaches you have taken.

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

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