Spring Breakdown

Monday starts Spring Break for the kids. I can’t really relate because I never felt this way in my life about school… but both of my school aged children are bummed about it. So are the wife and I.

Sofie just LOVES school. A few weeks back she was complaining that her tummy hurt. She was all bundled up and ready to go catch the bus when she stopped dead in her tracks and held her stomach. “Can you kiss my tummy daddy? It doesn’t feel so good.” I leaned over gave her a kiss on the stomach and not two seconds later she vomited all over the place. When we had to call her off of school she cried and cried. “I don’t want to miss school! I will miss out on all the fun!” she bawled as gigantic tears streaked down her face. She is in kindergarten though, so I will revisit this feeling she has towards school in a few years.

Bianca on the other hand… she gets bummed in a different way. Her sleep pattern gets disturbed, she becomes irritable and starts to act out. Head banging increases, meltdowns increase and then it takes several weeks to get settled back into her routine once school is back in session. So one week off, sets her back about a month.

Upon Further Review - 2012 Blogging Advent Calendar Day 8

“There is no planet, sun, or star could hold you if you but knew what you are.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think it is time to do something… Time for a re-evaluation of Bianca’s IEP.

I am NOT looking forward to it.

Until this year, Bianca had always struggled with returning to school. After a few weeks though, she would get adjusted to her routine and settle in. This year, has been tougher for her.

I don’t know if it is the longer school day (she now goes all day as a first grader) or that her classroom got changed and moved to a smaller room, maybe it is just her. At any rate, she is not where we would like her to be at school. She is making some progress, but she is also constantly out of her seat, escaping from the classroom, mouthing stuff before the paras and teachers can get to her and head-butting the staff on a daily basis. Every morning as Bianca leaves, my wife and I place a bet on who gets head-butted and where.

Summertime Blues

For 12 years of my life, there was nothing I looked forward to more than the last day of school and the start of summer vacation. I hated school. Probably more than the average kid. I liked seeing my friends enough, but the structure of school and the homework was just not my style. For some reason those three months of summer vacation seemed like an eternity. There were so many adventures to go on and so much to do with friends. Summer meant sleeping in, baseball, riding ATVs and family outings. My friends and I lived it up each summer as we would regularly go to one of my best friends’ cabin on a lake and go boating and tubing. There were summer romances and festivals to go to… all in all, summers were a care-free easy going time.

Now I have a six year old with autism spectrum disorder and summers mean something completely different. They mean breaking old routines and fighting to establish new ones. Searching desperately for summer programs and making sure that we build upon the advances she has made in school with one on one interaction. We are always fearful that Bianca will regress. Summer programs aren't cheap and when your budget is already pretty tight as it is, you want to make certain you are paying for something that is going to be a benefit.

A Little Perspective Folks

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.” - Unknown

Somehow I volunteered to be a Room Parent for Bianca’s school. I am not sure how I ended up volunteering. I got a call out of the blue saying that I had signed a form indicating thatI was interested. I have no recollection of signing the form at all. The only thing I can figure is that after another sleepless night, I blindly signed the form while in a walking coma.

 It isn’t a huge responsibility, and I was glad to be able to help. I volunteer to help in recess once a week and I love all the kids in the class and would do anything for them. Being a Room Parent basically requires that you plan a couple of parties: Halloween and Christmas. Pretty easy stuff, but when you have three kids (one with special needs) and work full-time, and work an opposite schedule of your spouse… time can be hard to come by. I missed planning the Halloween party because my dad broke his hip during the planning week and I went to be with him and support my mom. So I am trying to do a lot more for Christmas to make up for not being so involved last time around.

What Can’t Can Your Child Do?

(Note from Lou: Before there was a "Lou's Land", I used to write in Facebook Notes for my family and friends. It was with their encouragement that I decided to make my thoughts, feelings and observations public. This note was originally written on 04/11/11 and published here when I started my blog on 05/28/11.)

I thought I would write a quick note since it is Autism Awareness Month.

The most draining situation a parent of a child with Autism faces is not the day to day interactions with the child, but rather the re-living and re-telling of your child’s condition when you apply for new services or get a new specialist. You get bombarded with the same questions over and over… Does your child talk? Does your child play with other kids? Can your child do this, that, the other thing? Can your child perform any miracles?


You get the point. It is annoying. I understand the reasoning behind it. You can’t take your child to a new doctor or therapist and expect them to know all about your kid and his/her personal quirks. I often say that the reason it is called the Autism Spectrum is because the symptoms vary so greatly, that not one Autistic person has the exact same type of Autism as another. Autistic children are like snowflakes, each one is unique and carries with it unique beauty, characteristics, and complexities.

My daughter Bianca is going to be entering kindergarten next year and the time has come for yet another evaluation. This time her evaluation will result in how she is placed within the school system. Will she be able to go to a regular kindergarten class? Will she be able to go to a special needs kindergarten? Will she have to go to a school with only kids with special needs? I don’t know. What I do know is that the portion of the evaluation I had to fill out was tedious, depressing, confusing, and irritating.

One form contained 124 questions and asked me to rate each question on a scale of 1-7, a “1” meant you never witnessed this particular behavior, and a “7” meant that you witnessed the behavior more times in a day than you could count. The parent was then supposed to add up the numbers and cross-reference some stupid chart. Another BOOKLET had 11 PAGES of yes and no questions. By the time I finished answering all of these questions and filling out all the paperwork, I felt woozy. I could have sworn I just battled Apollo Creed. I was a beaten man. All I saw were pages of negativity all in preparation for an impending judgment by some group of people that don’t know my daughter.


Does your child play with other children? No
Can your child point to three body parts when asked? No
Can your child eat using utensils? No
Is your child potty trained? No
Does your child talk? No
Can your child draw an “X”? No

How about instead of asking me what my kid can’t do, you ask me about what my child can do? Herein lays one of the many challenges facing a parent of an Autistic child. It is rare for somebody to ask what your child CAN do. Above all things, parents like to boast about their child’s accomplishments. When my daughter that is not Autistic sings a song, or learns a dance, or builds something I tell my parents, or post it on Facebook proudly sharing the GENIUS that is singing a crappy Justin Bieber song at age 4. To a certain degree I am able to do that with Bianca as well, but not in the education system. Not in anything institutionalized. All they seem to want to know about are limitations.

Do you want to know what Bianca is capable of? She can make the darkest days seem bright with a mere hug. She can make you double over laughing with her contagious laugh. She can make you feel like you are the most loved human being on the planet and can melt you with her smile. Bianca can amaze you with her memory, her problem solving, her ability to speak in two languages and her fearless conquering of a playground. My daughter has the amazing ability to give life meaning and make you appreciate all you have.

My daughter can do many things, just not anything I am asked about on these stupid forms.

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

To keep up to date with everying in Lou's Land, please subscribe to my blog. "Like" Lou's Land on Facebook and follow Lou's Land on Twitter

"F" stands for Fool

** A note from Lou: Before Lou's Land, I used to just write Facebook notes for my friends and family to read. After establishing a collection of writings, friends kept suggesting that I start a blog and share my stories. This was one of the first notes I wrote. It took place on Bianca's first day of Pre-K. We still had yet to receive a diagnosis, but we were pretty certain what the situation was. I thought it would be appropriate to share this since school is starting back up. Hope you enjoy.

(11/05/08) - Many of you may not know, but Elsa and I believe that our oldest daughter Bianca is struggling with some developmental delays, and may very well be autistic or on the autism spectrum.

Bianca has been getting Occupational, Developmental, and Speech Therapy for the last year and a half. When she turned three this last Monday, she aged out of her early intervention at home therapy and has now started going to an early intervention pre-school four days a week. She really needs help with her socialization skills and speech. She talks all day, but she doesn't converse with people.

It has been stressful on both Elsa and I as we struggle with the emotions of sending a child that is so young away to a school. Bianca on the other hand... no problems. She cried the first day, but I think that was because she saw the playground and wanted to hit the slide and swings. She rides the bus (full sized... thank goodness) and really enjoys it. I understand from a fellow parent who watched her get off the bus on her first day riding it, that she even got in line with the other kids, held hands and walked into the school together.

Bianca waiting for the bus.

Yesterday, I unpacked her book bag and looked through her folder. As soon as I opened the folder... my heart sank. Emblazoned on the first sheet of paper in the folder was a giant letter "F".

I couldn't believe it! The new therapist failed Bianca on her first session. My blood boiled as I tried to comprehend why in the world they would grade a three year old in the first place. What even quantifies getting an "F" at that age? I actually had to fight the growing lump in my throat and watering of my eyes.

I studied the paper carefully. The instructions were clear, "Point to the object when named."

I looked at the pictures on the paper. There were fingers, the number four, a family, the number five, fruit, a face... none of these items were things too complicated for Bianca to figure out. She loves to label things, and does so all day. HOW COULD SHE FAIL?!?

Then I started thinking... she knows fingers... four.... family... five... fruit... face.

Wait a minute.

Fingers... four... family... five... fruit... face.

How strange that all of these words begin with the same letter.... the letter "F".

She was learning words that began with "F". There was no grade given.

"F" stands for Fool... and I am one of the biggest around.

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

To keep up to date with everying in Lou's Land, please subscribe to my blog. "Like" Lou's Land on Facebook and follow Lou's Land on Twitter