That awkward moment when a stranger starts talking to your
non-conversational autistic child, and waits for a reply.
It happens a lot with us. We will be at Target or the
grocery store and inevitably a little old lady will see Bianca and want to
compliment her. Bianca is a really pretty little girl… big eyes, long hair and
an incredible smile. Her looks betray her more severe autistic traits in the
eyes of a stranger. They just see a pretty little girl who is smiley and
singing. Her looks also work against her when she is melting down as well
because she looks like a 7 year old that has parents that do not know how to control
their child.
So what do we do when that moment comes in which the
well-intended stranger comes up and asks Bianca her name, or how old she is
only to get what they perceive to be the cold shoulder? Added to the mix is the
fact that we are Latino. I could pass for a whole myriad of ethnicities, but my
wife is pretty clearly Mexican. So then the nice person starts to speak slower
and LOUDER. I think it is because they may suspect Bianca doesn’t speak
English, but it could also be that they think she is deaf.
At any rate, whatever they try the results are the same… no
response, or a response that is scripting from a favorite TV show that is not
an expected response to the question being asked.Stranger: OH! What a beautiful little girl you are! What is your name little lady?
Bianca: Echo bush! Tall mountain!
Stranger: And how old are you?
Bianca: Ariba, up. Abajo down.
Next comes the look; the look at me the parent that says, “A
little help here?”
I have fantasies of just telling the stranger an elaborate
tale of our daughter being adopted and raised by wolves like Mowgli or that she
only speaks telepathically… not because I am embarrassed or ashamed of her
autism… I just think it would be funny.
In reality we are always very honest and forthcoming with
anybody that asks about Bianca’s situation or seems confused by her failure to
respond. It serves as a tool to educate. I always point out what her particular
traits are and I let them know that her autism will not be at all similar to
any other individual’s autism. I also feel like if I can introduce people to
Bianca, then they suddenly have a connection to autism. They can put a face to the
disorder and hopefully they will care a little more.
I do the same with dirty looks. I talk to the person and I
do so without demeaning them. If I can explain to the person the situation,
perhaps they will be less likely to judge so negatively. Maybe they will be
more sympathetic to the family they see at a restaurant with a kid acting up?
Were we so aware before autism was introduced to us? I doubt it.
Unfortunately though, no matter how nice you are to some
people, it seems to be of no use. It reminds me of the story that has been
passed down from generation to generation in my family, often told to the
adolescent on the cusp of adulthood. A lesson told that we feel helps to
prepare a young person for dealing with the real world. I remember the first
time I heard it. My grandfather told me that we had to talk and we went for a
walk in the woods. As we walked down the path, the house faded into the trees
and grandpa stopped and said to me, “Luis… some people are just assholes.”
I totally made that up. I learned that lesson on my own.
If you like what you have seen and read, please take a few seconds and vote for Lou's Land as one of Babble's Top Autism Spectrum Blogs. (Though I think this site is all kinds of messed up)
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