Holiday Help

Holidays can be an extra stressful time for autism parents. We have all the regular stressors that any other family has coupled with autism-proofing decorations and presents, dealing with expectations that we show up to all the family functions and handling the stress that comes from those family functions like trying not to blow our top at the stares, the patronizing tones, the judgment, the pity and of course keeping all of the breakable keepsakes that have been handed down for generations that are seemingly kept on every low surface imaginable in one piece. Dare I mention the terror of a “Code Brown” at somebody else’s home?

Since the holiday season is upon us, I thought I would supply all of my fellow autism parents out there a simple form letter that you can send to your relatives who don’t get why it is you may prefer to stay at home as opposed to going to a loud house crammed with extended family.

Disclaimer: To MY immediate family. Thank you for being so great. This is not about you, but meant as satire for the scores of autism families that are not as fortunate as we are to have the support system we do… so Cyndi… relax.We love you and Bianca ADORES her nina. LOL

Dear <Insert host family member name here>,

Thank you so much for the invitation to the <holiday> party! Unfortunately, we will not be able to attend. It isn't that we wouldn't like to be there, but it would be very difficult to relax because my kid(s) is/are not accustomed to your home. We have spent years figuring out how to “autism-proof” our home, something that just isn't fair to expect of others to be able to do overnight.

I know you will say that family will help watch, that it isn't a big deal and that we should not worry about it, but it is a big deal and no matter how much experience people may have watching kids that are not autistic, I can promise you that it will not be enough to understand how carefully you have to watch <insert kid(s) name here>. Little things like leaving an unlocked door to the outside unguarded for a few seconds can mean the difference between life and death.

It is too bad though, because <significant other> and I love going to your house and admiring how pristine you keep your lily white carpet. By the way, how many generations did you say those plates were in your family? They look as good as new! We particularly like to marvel at the 10 coffee tables loaded with those glass trinkets. Also, it is very comforting knowing that <insert dead relative> is right there on lower shelf of that bookcase watching over the family as we get together.

<Family member> loves all the artwork and family photos you guys have on your walls. That gorgeous wallpaper is something to behold and in some of your rooms, the walls are so white that I can’t tell where your carpet starts and where the walls begin.

What we will REALLY miss though is that lovely tomato based dish that gets served every time the family gets together and the countless number of glasses full of various colored beverages that people leave unattended… to say the least of the cutlery! How do you get knives THAT sharp? Catching up on all the gossip in the kitchen full of scalding hot pots and open flames is always a favorite of <family member>.

Will you guys have the tree up already again? All of those glass ornaments with all that meaning behind them. I can’t believe how ornate that tree can get. It is almost like just walking past it you can knock down an ornament, yet there they are… hanging on by a thread. I suppose that is why there is the mountain of neatly wrapped presents under the tree begging to be opened. It helps to keep people at a bit of a distance.

I guess we will just have to miss out on all the great parenting advice that <oldest member of the family> dishes out every year! I will never forget when he/she told <mom’s name> how all <insert kid(s) name> needed was some good discipline and that <mom’s name> should stay home more often. That is the kind of advice you just can’t pay for.

I guess we will have to wait until next year. Thank you again so much for the invitation, I guess we are just going to have a small quiet <insert holiday> celebration with kids.

Sincerely,

<Insert name here>

PS: Please say hello to <Drunk, loud, not-funny, racist relative> for us!

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My 2 Cent

Copyright SPIN Magazine

With the holidays and an illness in the family, I have not been on top of everything autism as I usually am. It is also the reason for the lack of posts in recent weeks. Yesterday, it was 103 FREAKING DEGREES OUTSIDE… so I kept the kids inside and while they were playing and overloading on games and television… I was surfing and catching up.

The article that caught my eye was that the lovely Holly Robinson Peete wrote an open letter to Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson for having used autism as the basis of an insult in a tweet to somebody that pushed his buttons. Mr. Jackson’s tweet (which has since been deleted at Mrs. Robinson Peete’s request) was:

“@50cent: yeah I saw your pic fool u look autistic. I don’t want no special ed kids on my time line follow some body else."

I will give 50 the benefit of the doubt and say that I don’t believe that he honestly feels this way and that he meant these words in jest. Even if he was joking, it wasn’t a wise choice of words on the part of a guy who makes his living… using wisely chosen words.

STUPID Studies

Pregnancy Linked to Birth of Autistic Children

(Somewhere, USA) – A revealing new study today released from the Science Tribunal of the Uterine Pregnancy Investigation Department indicates that there are direct ties between women that have become pregnant and the birth of children that later become diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

A Father's Day Celebration: Members Only

For this post, I would like to pay tribute and thank all the fathers out there that love their autistic children unconditionally. This is for the dads that have what it takes to be a real man and stand by your family and take your vows seriously. This is for the dads that don’t run from their child being different, and for those that may just now be coming to the realization that they are entering a club that they had no plans on joining.

For many in a marriage, an autism diagnosis can be placed in the “worse” column of “for better or for worse”, but with patience and communication you can survive. Don’t bottle up your fears. Tell your wife, your friends, or share them with others in a blog and you will free yourself of the many burdens you are trying to shoulder and find strength in numbers.

You know that you are the father of an autistic child when:

•  You know exactly what your child is saying even though she has never said it… EVER.
• You go to visit your friends who have children and they apologize for how their kids are behaving, yet you never even noticed.
• You have ever worn more of your child’s food then he has eaten, and he is 6.
• You have ever tried “stimming” just to see what it is all about.
• Using just your peripheral vision, you can snag crayons from your child’s hand before they go in the mouth.
• You are on a plane with a crying child... and don't even notice.
• You see a kid being a complete terror at the grocery store and you do not judge.
• You have been punched in the face by your child and instead of getting angry, you laugh it off.
• Your child saying, “I love you” even if by echolalia makes you feel like you are the king of the world.
• You have eaten a family dinner in the dark on several occasions.
• You have shared belly laughs with a child that you have no reason as to why they are laughing.
• You have been given every crackpot theory about what causes autism and what will make your child better, and have kept yourself from going insane.
• Your child has taught you greater patience, understanding, empathy & compassion than you ever thought possible.

Got any more out there? Go ahead and lay them on me! 

Join in the fun and let’s celebrate! You guys deserve it! 

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

To keep up to date with everying in Lou's Land, please subscribe to my blog. "Like" Lou's Land on Facebook and follow Lou's Land on Twitter