Pregnancy Linked to Birth of Autistic Children
(Somewhere, USA) – A revealing new study today released from the Science Tribunal of the Uterine Pregnancy Investigation Department indicates that there are direct ties between women that have become pregnant and the birth of children that later become diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
The study, costing a mere $20 gazillion dollars, monitored 10,000 pregnant women and their children from the start of their second trimester through the child’s 5th birthday. It revealed that in the cases of children that went on to receive a diagnosis of ASD, 100% of those children came from a woman that had become pregnant.
“It was really shocking to us” said Dr. Obvious, lead scientist of the STUPID study, “A lot has been made about geezers and fattys having kids, but those studies showed only a minimal connection between hypothesis and conclusion. It is rare in the scientific community to find an absolute, but we believe we have found one. All children apparently come from pregnancies, and of said pregnancies, 1 in 88 of them are resulting in an autism diagnosis. It was a real eye opener for our team.”
The important thing to keep in mind Dr. Obvious pointed out was that the STUPID study was done adhering to scientific method. “We aren’t just grasping at straws like these autism parents that espouse crazy ideas like environmental factors.”
A parallel study being concluded by another team of STUPID scientists setting out to prove that all autistic children have fathers has yet to bear fruit.
“We need more time on that one” claimed Dr. Obvious, “We don’t want to rush anything.”
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