Sunday, May 13, 2012

My Better Half

Bianca enters the world!
There is nothing sexier than the mother of your children.

Not from where I stand anyway. When I see my wife interact with our kids, I am more attracted to her than at any moment throughout the day. It is love. Watching your partner creating a memory with a being that is equal part you and her is magical. Those moments last forever in the minds of kids. I know because at the age of 40 every time I walk along Chicago’s lakefront I am 4 years old again and riding on the back of my mother’s bike in a bright orange seat. It is like it was yesterday.

I don’t write about my wife specifically very often. She is in my writing; she is around, but rarely the focus. I get asked why. I get asked why A LOT. “Where was your wife?” one email asks. “Are you separated?” inquires another. ”Are you guys OK?” worried one reader. The reason I don’t write many specific things about my relationship is because I am not certain how much of my wife’s life she wants shared. The blog and the videos are my thing… not hers. She is incredibly supportive of my efforts. She is proud. You can probably find a comment or two of hers on various things I have done, but she is content to be behind the scenes. She isn’t jealous of the attention I have gotten for my efforts, the only jealousy she has (she jokes) is of my relationship with Bianca because she is clearly a “Daddy’s Girl” in every way, shape and form.

Sofie comes a year and 22 days later!
I am going to break away from my usual rule for the day, because it is HER day. She actually gets two days. May 10th is Mexican Mother’s Day and then she gets the second Sunday of May too. She deserves a lot more Mother’s Days than that.

OOPS! Luis shows up 4 years later. :-) 
Day in and day out, my wife gives our babies the greatest gift in the world… love and laughter. I can’t even begin to count the number of times I have been in a different part of the house and heard squeals of laughter from my wife and kids as they have a dance party, play games, read stories or wrestle around. Whenever my wife leaves for work, our son cries and cries because he wants to spend every minute of his day with her. She has resorted to sneaking out through the garage so as to lessen the separation anxiety that Luis goes through.

When I come home late from work and walk into the bedroom I am often greeted with an internal battle of emotions because in our bed is my wife… and usually at least 2 of the kids. One part of me is annoyed because now I am moving kids around when all I want to do is collapse, but then the other part of me is so happy because I see how my son is laying on top of my wife and Sofie is cuddled up to her with her blankie and I know that the bond between them is strong.

Elsa always pretties up a pic.

When we started to suspect that Bianca had autism, my wife took it very hard. It was tough for her not to blame herself. Latin society is stuck in a time where it is the woman’s fault, especially amongst the older family members. My wife felt defective, she felt her body had failed her. We had struggled for so long to have children and now that we finally had our little girl, life had dealt a serious sucker punch. It hurt her deeply and brought out skeletons thought to be deeply hidden and locked away in a closet. It was hard to watch. It was painful. Nothing could be said. She had to work through it herself and I had to trust that she would.

Guiding her through the thick fog of depression was a beacon of love that is second to none; a love that is reciprocated so strongly by Bianca that it will not allow you to stay down for long. Like most of us parents to a child with special needs, my wife has come out on the other side a stronger and more understanding woman. She sees things differently now and has a bond with Bianca that is amazing to watch. Her eyes are now open and I think we would all agree that once you make it to the other side you see things with greater clarity and perspective.  Things are still challenging, but life doesn’t seem as ruthless and punishing as it once did.

Bianca's biggest advocate.
There are moments when my wife is laying on the couch watching TV that Bianca will climb on top of her and lay down. Bianca becomes so relaxed and so limp that she molds herself to my wife’s body. It is hard to tell what body part is Elsa and what is Bianca. They become one. It is pure love and I feel privileged to be able to witness such a wonderful display of affection.

I am a lucky, lucky man. I have three great kids and a wife that I adore. Sure the blanks that make up the story might not have been filled out exactly as I would have written them, but what do I really have to complain about? I have my family, I still find my wife to be sexy as hell and the kids have the perfect mommy for them.

Happy Mother’s Day Elsa. I love you so much. I can’t imagine a single person on this earth that I would rather have shared my life’s experience with than you. We have cried on one another’s shoulders and we have rolled around on the floor together in laughter. Through the highs and the lows, there is one thing that has remained constant; my love and appreciation for you. Thank you for our family and for being my partner for the past 13 years.

It has been a great ride.

Our second annual Walk Now for Autism Speaks. 40 walkers and over $10,000 raised!

If you like what you have seen and read, please take a few seconds and vote for Lou's Land as one of Babble's Top Autism Spectrum Blogs.

If you have not already, please take time to watch my videos, "Fixing" Autism and Autism Awareness with Nichole337 and share them with your friends.

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  1. Absolutely BEAUTIFUL Lou! Such a tribute to a wonderful Momma Warrior! Made me want to cry! :)

  2. Wow! I'm overwhelmed! With joy of course. LOL. I appreciate this blog so very much. I know things have been so hectic lately and we've barely had time to do anything alone, but we've been together, and that is great! I definitely am proud of you and everything you're doing. I could never be jealous of that. I love you too, and I'm sorry that my journey of sorrow and self-pity has put your love for me to the test so many times! I'm just glad we're together, and hopefully for a very long time!